I wasn’t always obsessed with butterflies. My fascination with the delicate/mysterious creatures started around the time my blog began (which happened to be when I was recovering from a major illness and some personal tragedies.) In fact, I was touch and go for a long time, struggling with Guillain-barre’ Syndrome, the subsequent IVIG treatments for recovery, the loss of a baby and the heartbreaking end to my marriage.
Back then, my fashion blog wasn’t just about what to wear, it was about how to style and navigate life; focusing on the mind, body and spirit. That’s when my butterflies came to me; more specifically, in my dreams. Matter-of-fact, for more than a month I had the same recurring dream of vomiting dozens and dozens of black butterflies. I actually wrote about it in one of my more popular blogs, “45 Days and Nights of Black Butterflies.”
I can’t lie, the dream scared the crap out of me as I thought it was about death, but after consulting a well-known dream specialist, she informed me that my black butterflies were actually a gift. Apparently, it was a sign of a very rare and powerful transformation. I took the dream in stride and hoped for the best, but then, something magical happened. I began that so-called TRANSFORMATION.
I didn’t know it at the time, but all the “Pieces of Me” that had been ripped apart: my body (which was ravaged by illness,) my heart (which was torn apart from the grief of not being a mother anymore) and my soul (which was empty from the loss of my first true love,) all started the long, slow process/journey of healing. I became a totally different kind of person. A person I didn’t really know anymore, but one I liked a lot better than the person I used to be.
As the months and years went by, I went through different phases of overt kindness, enhanced spirituality and a strong, sophisticated sense of self. I found deeper meaning in the little things I loved about life and relished, even savored, the bigger ones. I drew intense boundaries for my mental health and physical well-being and concentrated on building up my body again, while also learning to accept its limitations.
Styling/Co-Producer/Assist: Jackie Kay
blog ideas: Jackiekay211@yahoo.com
Intern/Assist: Nick Martinez
Editor: Matthew Auerbach